it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
