u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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