Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
