He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
