If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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