Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I need moral support for this bender
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
