She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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