Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
false alarm, still single
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
