it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
