Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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