you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
