I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
