My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
