i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
