She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
