I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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