just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
