Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
