you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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