I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
