last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize