I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
