Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
