you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
