i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
