"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
