She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
