Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
