I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
