Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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