This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
