Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
