Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
