wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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