im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i think we sleep fucked last night...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
