I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
