Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
