we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
