people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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