This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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