my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
