Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
