the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
