no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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