bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
