Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
