i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
