I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
