I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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