You can't motorboat a personality
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
