They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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