Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Houston, we have a blender
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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