Betty ford says i'm here all night
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
