Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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