she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
